Monday, February 1, 2010

If You Want Me To...

On the way home from a long evening visiting family in the hospital, the song If You Want Me To sung by Ginny Owens came on the many of you know, the past six months in our family has been a roller coaster. An example of a low last fall is the death of my husband's Uncle Ken. His loss is still deeply felt, and no one has been more affected than Brandon's mom and grandparents. Today we visited Ken's dad, Papa Ray, in intensive care with complications from the same kind of cancer that Ken suffered from. While he is doing better tonight than last night, it's hard to see someone you love stuck in a hospital bed with a tube down his throat and machines all around...I'm so thankful for the ability to visit, and to bring the girls to cheer him up. It was Amelia who suggested we do a "Big Pray" and gathered us in a circle around the hospital bed to pray for his healing and comfort...anyway, back to the song. The Refuge played just the right music on the ride home. We were all pretty subdued, hoping and praying for a recovery and homecoming, but understanding the reality of the possibility of a different outcome. I was feeling sorry for myself, wondering why God would put our family in the position of worrying about yet another loss, when the song came on and redirected my focus:
The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
Then I will go through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone...

I don't know why God has brought us here, why He has chosen to put our extended family on this path filled with illness and uncertainty, but I know He has a perfect plan for us, for Ray and Grandma Dorothea, for Brandon's family...and even though there may be moments of sorrow up ahead, I hold tight to the hope that God will heal Ray and he'll have many more years to watch my children grow, and hold the one on the way. And I hold to the hope that Ray has in Christ, that whatever happens in this life, we will all be reunited in the next.

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